I'm free.
It's funny how when the stillness of the night blankets one's surroundings, when the only sound one hears is the steady patter of raindrops glancing off a windowsill, that the deepest thinking is done. In the secrecy of the night I let loose, a landslide of forbidden emotion pouring forth making me giddy with euphoria or solemn with grief. I let my pent-up feelings have the run of the yard, lifting me off my feet in a celebratory jig, or a slow nod of understanding. The night is when I am truly free.
Free to recognise that I love too easily.
My love is unrequited. It's often never returned in any form other than casual friendship, but still I persist with the foolishness. This weakness makes me sensitive. I'm easily hurt, rocky exterior pierced by a cunningly placed blow more than just once in a while. I break easily, unwelcome memories ever present in my subconciousness, only needing a single song to open the floodgates and release the foul tide. But I always recover.
S broke me with a simple indifferent glance.
The indifferent glance cast in my direction when I asked what dinner was. The indifferent half-smile plastered on S's face when I said "Hi". The indifferent mask that drove me to sleepless nights and plagued me with worry. Then, the mask was suddenly broken with that oh-so-beautiful smile.
And all was right with the world.
I was on Cloud 9, hope a heady drug coursing through my system, every single word uttered from S's lips a subtle brush of love's fire. I still am on that mythical cloud, drugged on happiness and teenage foolhardiness. Stoned beyond repair. And I'm loving it.
"It's a date, yeah?"
"Call me! Muacks!"
"You're always there for me, Woo. I don't know what I'd do without you. I love you, man!"
"Don't go yet, I'm all lonely. Stay, and we'll make cupcakes and sing cheerleading songs!"
"You've got something on your chin right there. Let me get that off."
"I'll miss you when I leave. Heck, I miss you when you're not in!"
"Whatever you do... Don't. EVER. Forget. US."
How could I? I don't want to forget, ever. I crave those sweet grins, the melodious laughter, the effortless command of authority you possess. I don't think I could ever let such heaven go.
I never will. Not as long as I have the ability to love.
Never.
Oh, and I like chocolate. (: