I kept my mouth shut from the start
I guess I left you in the dark
You thought you knew me but you don't
You say you love me but you won't
When you find out who I am
I kept my mouth shut for too long
All this time you got me wrong
Now we're in this way too far
I'm about to break your heart
Tear everything we had apart
- The Veronicas, 'Mouth Shut'
I kept my mouth shut for too long, stayed mute as you lashed out at me, stood aside as you exacted your twisted justice on an innocent, fought down the bile as you laughed at her pain. I was your secret-keeper, your confidante, the only person willing to follow you in your escapades. And for what?
I remember the day we first met- a grey summer morning punctuated by brief spells of rain. All was still, dew glistening fresh on the flowers, birdsong echoeing around the oval. Everyone had seperated into their little cliques and I was alone, new to the whole concept altogether. One minute I was staring into a cup of cordial, the next I was staring at your hand. You said nothing, simply holding your hand out, waiting for me to take it. Wordlessly, I gathered up my things and got to my feet, motioning for you to lead the way. That fateful morning marked a new beginning, but I was too naive, too stupid to fully comprehend the consequences of that little encounter. All that mattered then was that I had a place to belong; a dream come true.
The dream that soon became a nightmare.
We were a tight group, the four of us. Me, you, and two others. I was the privileged one, though. You chose me over them every single time. You listened to me when I bitched about the others, laughed with me as I made them the butt of every cruel joke ever invented, & never questioned my loyalty. I was the prized pet, the only person you deferred to in conversation. They were great times, really. My naivety, your cunning, our innocent cruelty- a stellar combination.
Then the war began.
It started off quite small; minor skirmishes between the foot soldiers, with limited casualties. Soon, however, those foot soldiers morphed into pike-wielding knights of an elite calibre, and throats were being callously slit left and right. With each passing week, more fell into the black void, lost forever to both of us. The worst thing about the whole affair was that I... enjoyed it. The mortality rate was just that- a bunch of numbers, less competitors for your attention. I was selfish, wanted you for myself, resented those 'extras'. God knows I get possessive at times.
But when does possession become obsession?
Too soon, my friend. Way too soon. Let's put it this way. One way or another, you'd drift into a conversation. One way or another, I'd find myself thinking about you more than just once a day. One way or another, I found myself looking for you every lunch. One way or another, I knew what was happening; you'd ditched me. But why? I'd never been anything less than respectful, loyal, true... and yet you were abandoning me and the others, innocent things that wouldn't harm a fly, for them. For those plastics.
Now your eyes light up when they come by, words dying on your lips as a smile of adoration spreads across your lean face. All for what? You are their lapdog, the messenger girl, the slave. Much like I was for you. I was YOUR lapdog, YOUR messenger girl, YOUR slave. All for naught. It's just one vicious cycle, the two of us caught between society's many hierachies, exchanging harsh words, feral grins, numerous scratches.
Who will emerge as the victor?
Oh, and I like chocolate. (: