I’m scared.
I’m scared that I’ve lost her forever.
I’m scared of her.
I haven’t talked to her in a week… I’ve abandoned her.
“Why are you avoiding me? If this is how you treat people you love, then I’d hate to be your enemy”
Those were her very first words to me after my latest abstinence.
I was destroyed.
I had never felt such hate, guilt, sorrow and rage in my entire life.
Hate and rage for myself… sorrow and guilt directed at her.
I soothed her fears, smoothed her ruffled feathers, and everything was fine for a while.
But now I’ve destroyed everything.
I’m too scared to check my email, to see if she’s tried to contact me.
Too scared to witness her growing anger and grief with every subsequent letter.
Too scared to do anything but remain in denial.
I am WEAK.
Oh, and I like chocolate. (: